52 Cemetery Jokes and Puns That Are To Die For

Dig up some funny cemetery jokes and puns.

Let’s be honest: a lot of graveyard jokes are dead on arrival. Not these. The following cemetery gags are some of the most killer any living person has ever heard. In fact, they’re so good, you might die laughing. Which would be in the spirit of things.

We’re not just coffin up tombs of cryptic zingers, though. After all, there’s more to a cemetery than the dearly departed. That’s why we’re covering all kinds of burial ground, from fresh flower puns to scary skeleton jokes.

Cemetery Jokes

If the place is kinda dead, liven things up with a funny punch line or two.

• Who answers the phone at a cemetery? The se-crypt-ary.
• What kind of bathroom towels do funeral directors have? His and hearse.
• Where are dead computer hackers buried? In decrypt.
• Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in.
• What lettuce grows in cemeteries? Romaines.

• What R&B singer gets played at cemeteries? Bury White.
• What do they use to brew coffee at cemeteries? Burial grounds.
• How many dead people are buried in a cemetery? All of them.
• What’s a ghost’s favorite tree? A ceme-tree.
• Where are dead cows entombed? In a moo-soleum.

Funny Cemetery Jokes

Missing out on these short gags would be a grave mistake.

• Why can’t any the of people who live in our town be buried in the cemetery? Because they’re still alive.
• Where are mathematicians buried? The symmetry.
• Why didn’t anyone like the movie set in the cemetery? It didn’t have a plot.
• What’s every gravedigger’s favorite soccer club? Inter-Milan.
• Where will Kerri Strug’s final resting place be? In a vault.

• What do chemists do when their lab partners die? Barium.
• What currency do gravediggers get paid in? Crypto.
• Have you heard about the cemetery for alcoholics? It’s haunted by spirits.
• Where do construction workers get buried? The cement-ary.

Graveyard Jokes

Don’t take a dirt nap on more bone-rattling humor.

• What kind of fruit do gravediggers eat? Buries.
• What’s a gravedigger’s favorite meal? Shrimp and crypts.
• What kind of TV shows do gravediggers’ kids watch? Car-tombs.
• What do sextons put on mashed potatoes? Grave-y.

• Where are dead mice buried? In a mouse-oleum.
• Why was the gravedigger always too busy to hang out? He was buried in his work.
• Why doesn’t Superman go to cemeteries? They’re crypt-onite.
• What flavor gum do cemetery employees chew? Inter-mint.

Cemetery One-Liners

Groovy graveyard one-liners and puns we wouldn’t be caught dead without.

• I lost my job at the cemetery for burying someone in the wrong hole. It was a grave mistake.
• I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself, this is the last thing I need.
• Working at a cemetery is a big undertaking.
• When I first started working at the cemetery, I was crypt with fear.
• I was walking in a cemetery this morning when I came upon a woman crouching behind a gravestone.
  I said, “Morning.”
  She replied, “No, just having a pee.”

• I don’t tell jokes about burying dead people. They’re beneath me.
• Helium, Curium, and Barium are called the medical elements. If you can’t Helium or Curium, you Barium.
• I worked at a graveyard for a little while until I realized it’s a dead-end job.
• Most of the cemetery staff got fired last week. It’s now running with a skeleton crew.
• I used to work at a cemetery. It didn’t pay well, but there were a lot of people under me.
• That guy from the cemetery keeps sexton me.

Cemetery Puns

Funny plays on words that’ll have all the corpses spinning in their graves with delight.

• I’m really digging these graveyard jokes.
• I’ll do it tomb-orrow.
• Don’t be a hypo-crypt.
• The gravedigging business is dead.
• There was a coffin in the distance.
• Lemme ash you a question about cremation.
• Can you keep a se-crypt?

• Do gravediggers do interment-ent fasting?
• Dying is the law of grave-ity.
• I dig grave puns.
• It takes a lot of vault-age to power a crypt.
• That’s what I inter-meant to say.
• Did it ever sepulchre to you?
• I want to be buried Styx feet under.

You Ask, We Answer

We had to go six feet under to find your spooky cemetery questions.