66 Cemetery Jokes and Puns That Are To Die For

Let’s be honest: a lot of cemetery jokes and puns are dead on arrival. Not these. The following graveyard gags are some of the most killer any living person has ever heard. In fact, they’re so good, you might die laughing. Which would be in the spirit of things. So scroll down to dig up some of the funniest humor this side of the grave.

We’re not just coffin up tombs of cryptic zingers, though. After all, there’s more to a cemetery than the dearly departed. That’s why we’re covering all kinds of burial ground, from fresh flower puns to scary skeleton jokes.

Cemetery Jokes

If the place is kinda dead, liven things up with a funny punch line or two.

• Who answers the phone at a cemetery? The se-crypt-ary.
• What kind of bathroom towels do funeral directors have? His and hearse.
• Where are dead computer hackers buried? In decrypt.
• Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in.
• Why can’t any the of people who live in our town be buried in the cemetery? Because they’re still alive.
• Where do big rigs get buried? In the semi-tery.
• What lettuce grows in cemeteries? Romaines.

• What do you call a tomb full of money? A crypt o’ currency.
• Are cemeteries noisy? No, they’re dead quiet.
• What R&B singer gets played at cemeteries? Bury White.
• What do they use to brew coffee at cemeteries? Burial grounds.
• How many dead people are buried in a cemetery? All of them.
• What’s a ghost’s favorite tree? A ceme-tree.
• Where are dead cows entombed? In a moo-soleum.

Funny Cemetery Jokes

Missing out on these short gags would be a grave mistake.

• Who prepares the dead in Australia for burial? The down-under taker.
• Where are mathematicians buried? The symmetry.
• Where do construction workers get buried? The cement-ary.
• How do you greet people at a cemetery? Good mourning.
• How does a vampire start a letter? Tomb it may concern.
• Why didn’t anyone like the movie about the cemetery? It didn’t have a plot.
• What kind of flowers will you find at a cemetery? Mourning glories.

• What do chemists do when their lab partners die? Barium.
• Is it easy becoming a tombstone? No, they always have a rocky start.
• Have you heard about the cemetery for alcoholics? It’s haunted by spirits.
• How do you read a secret message in a cemetery? You de-crypt it.
• What’s every gravedigger’s favorite soccer club? Inter-Milan.
• Where will Kerri Strug’s final resting place be? In a vault.

Graveyard Jokes

Don’t take a dirt nap on more bone-rattling humor.

• What did the Velcro inventor’s tombstone say? RIP.
• What is written on Ronald McDonald’s gravestone? McRIP.
• What do you put on the gravestone of dead fruit? R.I.P.E.
• What kind of fruit do gravediggers eat? Buries.
• What’s a gravedigger’s favorite meal? Shrimp and crypts.
• What do sextons put on mashed potatoes? Grave-y.

• Where are dead mice buried? In a mouse-oleum.
• Why was the gravedigger always too busy to hang out? He was buried in his work.
• What kind of TV shows do gravediggers’ kids watch? Car-tombs.
• Why doesn’t Superman go to cemeteries? They’re crypt-onite.
• What currency do gravediggers get paid in? Crypto.
• What flavor gum do cemetery employees chew? Inter-mint.

Cemetery One-Liners

Groovy graveyard one-liners and puns we wouldn’t be caught dead without.

• I lost my job at the cemetery for burying someone in the wrong hole. It was a grave mistake.
• I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself, this is the last thing I need.
• Working at a cemetery is a big undertaking.
• When I first started working at the cemetery, I was crypt with fear.
• I found the headstone of the world’s oldest man. Apparently he lived to 194, and his name was Miles, from London.

• I was walking in a cemetery this morning when I came upon a woman crouching behind a gravestone.
  I said, “Morning.”
  She replied, “No, just having a pee.”
• Dad, are they allowed to put two people in the same grave?
  I don’t think so, son. Why do you ask?
  Because that headstone over there says, “Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.”
• Helium, Curium, and Barium are called the medical elements. If you can’t Helium or Curium, you Barium.

• I don’t tell jokes about burying dead people. They’re beneath me.
• I got a job building Egyptian tombs. Turned out to be a pyramid scheme.
• I worked at a graveyard for a little while until I realized it’s a dead-end job.
• Most of the cemetery staff got fired last week. It’s now running with a skeleton crew.
• I used to work at a cemetery. It didn’t pay well, but there were a lot of people under me.

Cemetery Puns

Funny plays on words that’ll have all the corpses spinning in their graves with delight.

• I’m really digging these graveyard jokes.
• I’ll do it tomb-orrow.
• Don’t be a hypo-crypt.
• The gravedigging business is dead.
• There was a coffin in the distance.

• Dying is the law of grave-ity.
• I dig grave puns.
• Lemme ash you a question about cremation.
• Can you keep a se-crypt?
• Do gravediggers do interment-ent fasting?

• That guy from the cemetery keeps sexton me.
• It takes a lot of vault-age to power a crypt.
• That’s what I inter-meant to say.
• Did it ever sepulchre to you?
• I want to be buried Styx feet under.

You Ask, We Answer

We had to go six feet under to find your spooky cemetery questions.