48 Relationship Jokes and Puns for Affair Number of Laughs

Relationship jokes and puns you can commit to.

These funny relationship jokes and puns will never dessert you.

We’ll let you in on a little secret: the key to a good relationship is humor. Laughing with your partner has been shown to improve couples’ lives by 69 percent. Okay, we made that stat up, but giggling together really does help keep the spark alive. So scroll down to find the funniest relationship jokes to tell your significant other. And if things still don’t work out, at least you’ll know that it wasn’t because you weren’t funny.

What else makes for a great relationship? Love helps. But really, sometimes all you need is a good kisser and a little candy.

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Funny Relationship Jokes and One-Liners

Tell your SO a few of these cute relationship joke one-liners and you’ll be together forever.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
My spouse and I were happy for twenty-five years. Then we met.
Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. I heard they really bonded.
When my wife blamed me for being immature, I banished her from my pillow fort.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she didn’t show up. That’s when I knew we weren’t going to work out.
My boyfriend works at the zoo. He’s a real keeper.

If your marriage falls apart, don’t just blame her. It takes two people to ruin a relationship. Blame her and her mother.
I asked my date to text me when she got home. She must be homeless.
We’re in the S&M period of our relationship: she sleeps, I masturbate.
Does anybody want to be in a platonic relationship? I’m asking for a friend.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the furniture. But when I got home the tables were turned.
My husband and I took out life insurance policies on each other. Now it’s just a waiting game.

More Relationship Joke One-Liners

The best relationship jokes for any type of connection – committed, casual, long-distance, on-again, off-again.

Wife: “Do you want dinner?”
Husband: “Sure, what are my choices?”
Wife: “Yes and no.”
To have a successful relationship, always be frank and earnest. Frank when you’re with your wife, and Ernest when you’re with your girlfriend.
Wife: “Our new neighbor kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?”
Husband: “How can I? I don’t even know her.”
My girlfriend said she wanted a fairy tale relationship. So I left her in the forest with a loaf of bread.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change!”

The lawyer and his paralegal had a brief relationship.
Man: “I love you so much, I could never live without you.”
Girlfriend: “Is that you talking or the beer?”
Man: “It’s me talking to the beer.”
My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
Marriage is when two become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
The four most important words in a healthy relationship are “I agree with you.”
My boyfriend cooks for me as though I were a god: by placing burnt offerings before me every night.

These relationship jokes are so funny you'll want to give your SO a ring.

Short Relationship Jokes

Just because the jokes are short doesn’t mean your relationship will be too.

Is Google male or female? Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Why should you never fall for a tennis player? Because to them, love means nothing.
How are relationships like algebra? Because you look at your X and wonder Y.
What did the cow call his girlfriend? His significant utter.
Why did the proton blush? It was positively attracted to the electron.
What does a ghost call his significant other? His ghoul-friend.
What’s the best part of a bee’s relationship? They honey-moon phase.
Why doesn’t Juliet like getting relationship advice? It’s not her first Romeo.

Why shouldn’t you get in a relationship with a pastry chef? They’ll dessert you.
Did you know there are actually three rings in a relationship? The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer ring.
Why was the Roman having trouble getting over his previous relationship? His X was a 10.
What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wiped his butt.
Why did the lion break up with his girlfriend? Because she was a cheetah.
Why did the bull find himself in a toxic relationship? Because he was always running toward red flags.
Why did the astronaut leave his wife? He needed space.
Why could the married ewe sleep with other rams? She had an open relation-sheep.