71 Grass Jokes and Puns to Mow-tivate You

These grass jokes and puns are very sod-isfying.

Chuckle Daddy is full of funny grass jokes and puns.

Hello, my lawn-lost friend. Welcome to the lush landscapes of ludicrous grass humor. This is the place for cutups; the place where the mow grass jokes you tell, the mow laughs you get. So stop making fescuses and spring some super ex-sod-ing turf puns on your friends. They’ll be green with envy at your growing wit. They might even start calling you Tim Meadows, aka the Blade-ies Man.

Grass doesn’t grow without the rain. The same isn’t true for these jokes, but it’s good to have some splashy rain puns on hand anyway. You know, in case of a comedy drought.

Mowing Grass Jokes

Cutting the grass jokes smell better than cutting the cheese jokes.

What’s grass’s favorite TV show? Lawn & Order.
What can you put on your grass to make it sexier? Lawn-gerie.
Why didn’t the blade of grass want a serious relationship? He wanted to play the field.
What Simpsons character has the nicest lawn in Springfield? Mow.
What’s another name for the grass police? Lawn-forcement.
Why did the lawn mower stop working? It ran out of grass.
Why did the grass cross the road? To get to the other sod.

What do you call a cow that cuts the grass? A lawn moooer.
How do landscapers communicate? By mow-bile phone.
What do you use to measure grass? A yard stick.
Why is having emo grass so low maintenance? It cuts itself.
What’s grass’s favorite vampire movie? Blade.
Why was the lawn sad? It was a bit bluegrass.

Funny Grass Jokes

Short grass jokes that cover a lot of ground.

How much did I make doing lawn maintenance? I was raking it in.
What do you call a lawn that waits till the last minute to grow? A prograsstinator.
What do you call a cat that cuts the grass? A lawn meower.
What kind of grass do ghosts like? Boo-grass.
What did the lawn tell the barber? Just a bit off the top.
What do you call an Irish guy who sells lawn chairs? Patty O’Furniture.

What does grass call a buddy it hasn’t seen in a long time? A lawn-lost friend.
What movie does grass love? Blade Runner.
What do you call liberal landscapers? Prograssive.
What music do lawns listen to? Bluegrass.
Who do you see to get a mortgage on your grass? A lawn officer.
What kind of grass do cows prefer? Ber-moo-da.
How did the farmer find the sheep in the tall grass? Very satisfying.

These grass jokes and puns will mow-tivate you.

Grass Joke One-Liners

Making grass pun one-liners is our field of expertise.

Optimistic gardeners always see the grass half full.
I ate some lawn clippings and now I have grass-troenteritis.
Police thought they knew who the Grass Killer was, but they could never find a mow-tive.
I had a longer list of grass jokes but I had to cut it.
The price of lawn maintenance is grass-tronomical.
Watching the landscaper cut grass was like poetry in mow-tion.
The landscaper and his wife hit a bit of a rough patch.
A friend of mine went out to his lawn, dug a hole, and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
These grass puns are mow funny than weed thought.

A man walks into a bar with a beard made of grass, and the bartender asks, “Why the lawn face?”
Once you start cutting the grass you get a little mow-mentum.
My lawn’s dead. It was a grass-assination.
I find puns about grass very sod-isfying.
When you walk on crabgrass, are you walking sideways?
I needed to cut the grass but I couldn’t find the mow-tivation.
Walked by the rehab center the other day and the sign on the lawn said, “Keep off the grass.”
I couldn’t wait for a new lawn to grow; I needed instant grassification.