55 Kissing Jokes and Puns That Are Im-peck-able

Pucker up for some funny kissing jokes and puns.

Kiss your old smooching puns goodbye. These kissing jokes are the absolute buss. And we’re not just paying lip service here. All this puckered up wordplay will have you smacking with joy. Or whatever her name is.

Though a little tonsil hockey can be pretty great, we all know the real thing you want on your lips is chocolate. So dive into a den of delectable chocolate puns and jokes. But don’t overdo it; too many sweets may not be good for your heart.

Funny Kissing Jokes

Make out like a bandit with hilarious kissing jokes.

How do cows kiss? They smoooooch.
Where do frogs kiss on Christmas? Under the mistletoad.
How do satirists kiss? Tongue in cheek.
Where do you kiss someone at the end of the world? On the apoca-lips.
What’s the difference between a kiss ass and a brownnoser? Depth perception.

Why didn’t anyone want to kiss the chicken? Fowl breath.
How do flowers kiss? With their tulips.
What’s Cupid’s second favorite holiday? Kiss-mas.
Why shouldn’t you kiss a pigeon? You might get coo-ties.
What musical instrument is always making out? French horns.

Why shouldn’t you kiss anyone on January 1st? Because it’s only the first date.
What do you get when a bird kisses you? A peck on the cheek.
What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day? Ughs and kisses.
Why were the thieves lips so sore after the heist? They made out like bandits.

These kissing jokes and puns are im-peck-able.

Kissing Dad Jokes

More funny jokes sealed with a kiss.

What’s Cupid’s favorite flower? Kiss-anthemum.
What do pig farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day? Hogs and kisses.
What’s it like to get kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
How do hockey players kiss? They puck-er up.
How do gardeners kiss? They plant one.

What musical group has the best kissers? Wilson Full-lips.
Why can’t you speak after kissing a feline? Because a cat got your tongue.
What’s the most romantic city in Venezuela? Cara-kiss.
Where does Cupid vacation in Florida? Kiss-immee.
What kind of music does Cupid like? Or-kiss-tral.

What does Cupid use to count? An aba-kiss.
What’s the most romantic track and field event? Dis-kiss.
What insects are always making out? Lo-kissed-s.
Where does Cupid go to gamble? The kiss-ino.

Kissing Joke One-Liners

It’s okay to kiss and tell these flirty short one-liners.

After kissing a girl on her sofa she said, “Let’s take this upstairs.” “Okay,” I said. “You grab one end and I’ll grab the other.”
I’m going to give you a kiss. If you don’t like it, just return it.
The problem with kissing a perfect 10 is how cold the mirror feels on your lips.
It’s okay to kiss a nun once; just don’t get in the habit.
If two people with bangs are making out, are they fringe kissing?
Kissing is always better oscu-late than never.