64 Funeral Jokes and Puns at Your Service

Funerals are a somber occasion – a time when family and friends come together to honor and remember a loved one. But even though the mood may be serious, a couple of well-timed funeral jokes can really lift people’s spirits. Of course, poorly timed ones can be a grave mistake, and you’ll probably want to bury yourself six feet under. Fortunately, your eulogy will be anything but dead with these witty one-liners.

And if the deceased wanted a full-blown party instead of a grief-stricken service, then let the celebration begin. We’ve made all the arrangements to provide you with funny things to say at a funeral – everything from cremation jokes to burial gags to wake puns. Everyone will be laughing until they’re coffin, including the funeral director.

After the memorial, you can continue paying your respects with a slate of cemetery humor. Forget to bring a bouquet for the headstone? Lay down a bunch of flower puns while you’re there instead. They’ll go over just as well.

Funeral One-Liner Jokes

These zingers are so funny you’ll die laughing.

• I don’t like how funerals are usually between 9 and 11 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person.
• The man who invented the word search has died. His funeral will be held I S U O N Q U X N M O N D A Y J B A T K V T E N P G W O C L O C K T D I M.
• The owner of Regal Cinemas has died. His funeral is on Friday @ 2:10, 4:20 & 7:40.
• My dad was always trying to be more down-to-earth. He finally succeeded.
• The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week. There was no coffin at the funeral.
• Therapist: “What would you say to your dad if he were alive today?”
  Me: “Sorry for cremating you. I honestly thought you were dead.”

• The funeral for my friend who drowned was held yesterday. All his friends chipped in for a wreath in the shape of a life jacket. It’s what he would have wanted.
• Son, when I die, I want you to carry my coffin so you can let me down one last time.
• I hope that when Santa’s elves die, he gives them a nice yule-ogy.
• Being cremated is my last hope for a smokin’ hot body.
• Working at a funeral home is a dead-end job.
• I tried to pay digitally for my dad’s funeral in Ireland, but they didn’t accept crypt o’currency.

More Funeral One-Liners

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to share in the joy of dad jokes.

• “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing – except at a funeral.
• I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
• Making the arrangements for my wife’s funeral has been really hard. She keeps asking what I’m doing.
• At the boss’s funeral, a disgruntled employee kneeled next to the coffin and whispered, “Who’s thinking outside the box now, Bob?”
• The funeral director made a grave mistake so he gave the family an urnest apology.

• Walking through the cemetery at night can put you in grave danger.
• Why should I attend my friend’s funeral? It’s not like he’s going to attend mine.
• Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.
• The shepherd’s favorite sheep died, so he gave it a ewe-logy.
• My old Saturn SUV finally died. I’m going to hold a Vueneral for it.
• My favorite tree died. I’m going to give it a yew-logy.

Funeral Dad Jokes

Tell these punch lines in the mourning or at night. And be sure to spread a few cremation jokes in there too.

• What kind of towels do funeral directors have in their bathrooms? His and hearse.
• Is being a mortician easy? No, it’s quite an undertaking.
• Why is it so hard to succeed in the funeral business? There’s stiff competition.
• What do you call an overpriced coffin? A R.I.P. off.
• Do you think glass coffins will catch on? Remains to be seen.
• Where are mathematicians buried? The symmetry.
• Why does the funeral director’s hearse get such bad gas mileage? It carries a lot of dead weight.
• Where do morticians shop? At the coroner store.

• Why don’t morticians mind tardiness? They’re used to dealing with late people.
• What’s the name of the funeral director in El Paso? Urnesto.
• What do you call the best salesman at a funeral home? The top urner.
• Why was the cremationist given a raise? He urned it.
• Why can’t you cremate a clown? Because they burn funny.
• Which Sesame Street characters want to be cremated when they die? Bert and Urnie.
• What happens when dairy cows die? They get cream-ated.

Funny Funeral Jokes

When your job is making people laugh at funerals, it’s hard not to get buried in your work.

• Why was the undertaker late with corpse for the funeral? They had to re-hearse on the way.
• What did the mushroom’s wife say at his funeral? Such a shame. He was a fungi.
• What kind of fruit do funeral directors eat? Buries.
• Why did the mortician go to the health clinic? He had a funereal disease.
• How was the adrenaline junkie honored at his funeral? With a YOLO-gy.
• Why do they call it a coffin? Because that’s what you’re carried offin.
• Did you hear about the guy who fell down a chimney and died? He had a nice flueneral.

• Why don’t more people become morticians? It’s a dying profession.
• What college do morticians go to? Wake Forest.
• What do people give at funerals in the South? A y’all-ogy.
• Who do you call to decommission an old cargo ship? The under-tanker.
• What do a mortician and an electrician have in common? They’re both shocked when they touch a live one.
• Why did the dog go to the funeral? To be a paw-bearer.
• What do you give at an egg collector’s funeral? An oology.

Funeral Puns

Enjoy some short plays on words and you’ll be in a better place. Figuratively speaking.

• I’m dying here.
• This crowd is dead.
• Am I rite?
• You put the fun in funeral.
• Funeral directors prefer their coffee to be coffinated.
• Lemme ash you a question about cremation.
• Tupac had a eul-OG at his funeral.

• Dave Grohl will have a Fooneral.
• Jackie Chan will have a Kung Fooneral.
• The pilot had a flewneral.
• The seasonal virus had a fluneral. Finally.
• The funeral started rite on time.
• I heard Coco Chanel had a lovely perfuneral.

You Ask, We Answer

We’ve been dying to answer your funeral questions.