71 Cow Puns and Jokes to Set the Moood

Okay, don’t have a cow. But we had to rope in some cow puns. Now, this ain’t our first rodeo, so be prepared for an udderly hysterical time. We steer clear of any bull and give only the top 2% of the funniest cow jokes on the farm. Just keep in mind that the laughs come in droves. Ya herd?

We don’t farm out our animal puns. In fact, it’s like we have a whole petting zoo of zingers, from the greatest-of-all-time goat gags to perfectly pert pig puns.

Cow Puns

Milk ’em for all they’re worth.

• Dear dairy.
• Heifer nice day.
• My udder car is a cow.
• It’s for a no-bull cause.
• Ox-ellent!
• I’m only getting 2% of these cow’s milk jokes.
• Are you not a-moos-ed?

• I have a beef with these cow puns.
• How dairy you.
• Cows love reading cattle-logs.
• Don’t steer me wrong.
• Déjà moo.

Cute Cow Puns

• Cows make misteaks too.
• Cow puns are legen-dairy.
• Are you cud-ding me?
• Mark Beefalo.
• Cows listen to the Moo Tang Clan.
• Please don’t stop the moo-sic.

• I don’t udder-stand.
• This ain’t my first rodeo.
• It never o-curd to me.
• Show me the whey.
• You slaughter know.
• Are you dung yet?

Funny Cow Puns

Cowapunga, dude.

• I never knew my fodder.
• That heifer was the cattle-lyst.
• It was an ox-ident.
• Bull-ieve me, I’m a cow.
• Udder madness.
• Total hysteeria.

• Oh, these cows have yokes!
• Cows have large ox-cipital lobes.
• I oxed you a question.
• Don’t give me that bull.
• The cows are having a steering contest.
• Hoofer Dam.

Cow Jokes

These hilarious farm-fresh zingers are no ox-cident.

• How do cows kiss? They smoooooch.
• What type of coffee do new cow moms drink? Decalf.
• What medical drama do cows watch? Graze Anatomy.
• What do you call an underground cow cemetery? A cattle-comb.
• How did Christopher Cow-lumbus sail across the ocean? In a cattle-maran.

• Where do Spanish cows live? In Cattle-onia.
• How do you throw a cow 50 feet in the air? With a cattle-pult.
• Why couldn’t the rancher catch his runaway cow? It was unstoppa-bull.
• How did the cows get to the dairy farm? They drove there.

Cow Dad Jokes

More hilarious punch lines for your a-moos-ment.

• How do ranchers count their cattle? With a cow-culator.
• What do cows drink after working out? Smoooothies.
• What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
• What did the bull say to his calf when he was leaving for school? Bison! 
• Why did the two cows hate each other? They had beef.

• What do you call a sad cow? Mooody.
• Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? They lactose.
• What’s a cow’s favorite newspaper? The Daily Moos.
• How do you get a cow to keep quiet? Press the moote button.

Funny Cow Jokes

Even Bessy will laugh at these everlasting cow jokes.

• What did the mother cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bedtime.
• Why did the bank have a bunch of cows in the lobby? It was trying to beef up security.
• Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle? It wants to keep its Stockholm.
• All the farmer’s cows stopped producing milk. It was udder chaos.

• What do you call cows with no legs? Ground beef.
• What do you call cows with only two legs? Lean beef.
• What do you call a cow in drag? A Dairy Queen.
• How do cows become invisible? Ca-moo-flage.

Even More Silly Cow Dad Jokes

You don’t need to Christopher Cow-lumbus to navigate these milky dad jokes.

• Why was the butcher so afraid to make a mistake? The steaks were really high.
• What’s a cow’s best subject in school? Cow-culus.
• Why don’t cows play darts? They might hit a bulls-eye.
• How do cows say “thanks for dinner” in Spanish? Moo-chas grass-ias.
• Where do cows eat lunch at school? In the calf-eteria.

• Did you know there was a cow in the Knights of the Round Table? His name was Sir Loin.
• What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.
• What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake!
• What do you call a dairy cow that doesn’t produce? A milk dud.