87 Sock Puns and Jokes That Are Darn Funny

Sock puns and jokes are afoot.

We had 88 sock puns, but one got lost in the laundry. Such is the life of a sock. Who knows where it went. Narnia maybe? Whatever the case, the only thing you can really do is sock it up and get on with life. The best way to do that? Busting a gut with a dresser full of the following footlong funnies. After you hear our stocking stock, you’ll be up to your knee-highs in knee slappers. You’ll have your knickers in snickers. Your shorts in snorts. You get the picture. Plus, we throw in a pack of pantyhose jokes at the end in case there’s a snag.

Our sleep puns will absolutely knock your socks off. But if your feet get cold from the sock-knocking-off, warm up with clever candle puns.

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Short Sock Puns

Sock puns for gifts, sock puns for lifts.

• Sock and awe.
• Socks to be you.
• This pun socks.
• Socks, drugs, and rock & roll.
• Hanging with my crew socks.

• These are some knee-high slappers.
• I can sympa-thigh-highs.
• Socks are toe-tally awesome.
• Feelin’ socksy.
• It was a great sock-cess.

• Let’s talk about socks, baby.
• I invest in the sock market.
• It’s my emergency sockpile.
• Wool you be mine?
• Sock it to me.

Funny Sock Puns

Nothing com-pairs to puns about socks.

• Tube be, or not tube be. That is the question.
• My sock collection is a motley crew.
• That sock pun stinks.
• Socks, Lies, and Videotape.
• Can you keep a sock-ret?

• Socks Fifth Avenue.
• Wool you stop?
• Sock-olate chip cookies.
• Having socks is crew-cial.
• Socks do it off the cuff.

• I’m on a crew-sade to find my missing sock.
• My socks have tube-erculosis.
• Don’t ac-crew too many socks.
• I buy sockeye salmon by the foot.

Sock Puns One-Liners

Don’t knit-pick every single sock joke. There may be some holes.

• My socks got so holey I started wearing them to church.
• If you’ve gotten a hole in one of your socks, argyle fix it.
• The pain of losing a sock is un-pair-able.
• If you’re having a hard time finding socks that go above the knee, I can sympa-thighs.
• You know why I always fold my socks together when putting them away? I like to be pre-paired.

• I started going to the gym, but the only thing that got ripped were my socks.
• I forgot all my good sock puns. Darn it.
• I had two sock jokes before I did laundry, but now I can’t find one of them.
• After losing the sock competition, all I could feel was the agony of de-feet.
• Sock jokes never really cotton.
• The stocking company became the laughing-sock of the industry.

• I lost a stocking in the laundry. It made the ultimate sock-rifice.
• If you work for a sock manufacturer, you have to toe the company line.
• Did people in Old Germany wear com-prussian socks?
• They new sock company was really taking off. They were getting orders left and right.
• It took forever to find socks for a size 16 shoe. It was no small feet.
• Every time I get a new pair of shoes, I wonder if I’m buy-socks-ual.

Funny Sock Jokes

You know what socks? Not these jokes. They come at you right and left.

• What kind of fruit is socks’ favorite? Pairs.
• What animal wears the most shoes? A sock-topus.
• Where do sock traders work? On Wool Street.
• What do people in Kansas call holey socks? Toe-peak-a.
• Why should socks be 12 inches long? So you can get a whole foot in them.

• What kind of socks do pirates wear? Arrr-gyle.
• Why did the sock get arrested? For stocking.
• Why do golfers wear two pairs of socks? In case they get a hole in one.
• What did one sock say to the other? You complete me!
• What do you call a bear with no socks? Barefoot.

• What did the hat say to the sock? I’ll go on a-head if you go on foot.
• What’s the difference between a sock and a camera? A sock takes five toes, and a cameral takes pho-toes.
• Why did the pair of socks break up? One had to be right, and the other left.
• How did the socks feel at the end of the day? De-feeted.
• Why did the groom wear extra socks on his wedding day? In case he got cold feet.

• Where do Swedish stockings come from? Sock-holm.
• What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? There’s a horse somewhere walking around in his socks.
• Which Greek philosopher had the warmest feet? Sock-rates.
• What kind of music do socks listen to? Anything with sole.
• What do sock puppets eat? Finger foods.

Sock Dad Jokes

Don’t be anyone’s sock puppet. Enjoy these jokes with an open mind. And shoe.

• Why did the socks get fired their job? They were no-shows.
• Why should you never buy socks at the London Bridge? Because they’re always falling down.
• How do jack-o’-lanterns fix their holey socks? With a pumpkin patch.
• Why did the man buy his grandson three socks for Christmas? The boy grew another foot this year.
• How does Snoop Dogg wear his socks? As high as possible.

• What happens when Kevin Bacon takes off his socks? Footloose.
• Why is it good to have a hole in your socks? So you can get them on.
• How do socks get around in London? They take the Tube.
• What style of haircut did the socks get? A crew cut.
• What kind of socks do plumbers wear? Compression fitting ones.

• Why do Christmas stockings take a year off between jobs? For their mantel health.
• How did the sock propose to his girlfriend? On bended knee-high.
• Why can’t you use bluetooth to find your missing socks? They’re unpairable.
• How do you keep a sock on a wooden leg? With a toe-nail.
• Why can’t cows wear socks? Because they lac-toes.

Plucky Pantyhose Jokes

Pantyhose puns are tight. And this hosiery humor is very fitting.

• What has legs, feet, and runs but can’t go anywhere by itself? A pair of pantyhose.
• How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose? A couple calves, ten little piggies, an ass, a beaver, and who knows how many hares.
• What kind of socks do landscapers wear? Garden hose.
• How can you tell whether a woman is wearing pantyhose? Her ankles swell when she farts.
• Men are like pantyhose: they either run, cling, or don’t fit right in the crotch.
• My new job at the pantyhose company was going great until I hit a snag.