40 Bagel Puns and Jokes For Good Lox

Bagel puns and jokes for us schmear mortals.

No need to wrangle or finagle bagel puns. Your bagel jokes are labeled here on the table. So enable your funny bone. Get ready to howl and groan. Our bagel humor is in the zone. Tell your family, tell your teachers, tell your friends behind the bleachers. There’s a whole lotta of laughs in the next paragraphs.

Not having puns in your life is like not having cream cheese on a bagel. It’s doable but way better with some tasty wordplay. So next time you’re at brunch, spread some humor around and egg on your friends.

Funny Bagel Puns

Butter up your day with puns about bagels. And don’t forget to wash then down with hot coffee quips.

I bagel your pardon.
You’re my good lox charm.
Schmear tactics.
Bagel shops make dough.
You are my everything bagel.
The Cincinnati Bagels.
Open sesame bagel.

Bagel-juice, bagel-juice, bagel-juice.
Goldilox.
Lox Luther.
Bready or not, here I come.
The bagel thief’s plans have gone a-rye.
The schmear thought of it.
Potato bagels are spud-tacular.
That’s my bagirl.

Bagel Puns One-Liners

Use these bagel puns for love and humor purposes. Don’t go on a schmear campaign.

Excuse me, will my bagel be long? No, sir. It’ll be round.
An unconscious man was found in the park with a bag full of bagels. They’re calling him a John Dough.
If bagels were a dog, they’d be a pure bread.
Bagels are like the sun: they rise in the yeast.
I left my bagel out in the rain. Now it’s soaking wheat.

I make a living out of bagel puns. It’s my bread and butter.
I found a store that sells only bagels and donuts. It’s called Hole Foods.
I wanted to buy a bagel with cream cheese, but they only accept cash.
As far as pizza goes, pizza bagels are pepper-phonies.
She was the victim of a schmear campaign.

Bagel Dad Jokes

You know what boils my bagel? Stale jokes. Good thing these always stay fresh.

Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? If they did they’d be baygulls.
What kind of bagel can fly? A plain bagel.
What do ghosts put on their bagels? Scream cheese.
How can you make the bagel family’s doors and windows more secure? Put lox on them.

What does a bagel do when he loses his keys? He calls a lox-smith.
What do you call a breakfast RV? A Winnebagel.
What kind of bagel works out the most? Swole wheat.
How do you fix a broken pizza bagel? With tomato paste.

Funny Bagel Jokes

Bready or not, here we come with more salty bagel dad jokes.

What do bagels, anchovies, and Domino’s have in common? They all ruin pizza.
What’s the only way to watch the new bagel documentary? With stream cheese.
How does an Air Force pilot eat a bagel? He lox onto his target.
What type of person doesn’t like bagels? A weir-dough.
How do you court a bagel maker? Bring flours.
How do German bagels greet you? Gluten tag.
What do you get when you name a breakfast food after Beyonce? A beygel.