84 Construction Puns That Measure Once, Cut Twice

Time to hammer out some truly funny construction puns and jokes.

I’m gonna level with you: I’ve been building up to these puns and jokes for a while now. I guess I just wasn’t sure how to frame them. But then I remembered that construction sites can get pretty bonkers sometimes. And puns always get wall-to-wall laughs. So without further project delay, here are the funniest construction quips you’ve ever seen.

If you want more than just bodacious building construction jokes, check out some funny plumber puns.

Quality Construction Puns

These construction puns are out-of-site.

• Nailed it.
• Dumps like a truck.
• Don’t also build an emotional wall.
• I don’t have any concrete plans.
• Construction workers want a level playing field.

• Permit me to construct a few puns.
• Framers are such studs.
• I was mortar-fied.
• Later, excavator.
• Weapons of mass construction.

• Metalwork is riveting!
• Netflix and drill.
• Drum roller, please.
• Hammer it out.

More Funny Construction Puns

So may puns you’ll never get board.

• These puns are a little screwy.
• I forgot dimension that I’ve never measured like this before.
• The ladder, not the former.
• I was built for this.
• It was a foundational moment.

• I’m so board with these jokes.
• Wood you stop!
• Time to lumber up.
• Carpenters give constructive criticism.
• This construction crew doesn’t measure up.

• Call me back, hoe.
• Nice caulk.
• Stubborn construction workers are hard-hatted.
• The plasterer finished in lath place.

House Puns

Bringing it home with these funny puns.

• These house puns are ex-siding.
• Truss me, you’ll like it.
• I don’t give a sheetrock.
• When you frame it those terms…
• Beam me up, Scotty.
• Let us re-joist!

Tool Puns

Hilarious puns for the tools in your life.

• Socket to me.
• See ya ladder.
• You’re on my level.
• Plier, plier, pants on fire.
• These puns are gut-wrenching.

• Allen is my hex boyfriend.
• Throw in the trowel.
• Please hammer don’t hurt ’em.
• I’m gonna level with you.

Well-Built Construction One-Liners

Funny one-liners that measure up.

• I hope there’s a panel discussion at the plywood convention.
• Glass houses are a pane to maintain.
• The shovel was a groundbreaking innovation.
• I was going to tell some construction jokes, but I’m still working on them.
• I didn’t want to believe that my husband was stealing from the construction site. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
• I was offered a job at a construction site in Egypt, but it was a pyramid scheme.

• Not all construction work is equally enjoyable. For instance, drilling a large hole is boring, but fastening two pieces of metal together is riveting.
• When I told the contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, he just gave me a blank stair.
• My parents were encouraging me to take the open highway construction job, but I decided not to go down that road.
• I have a friend who drives a steamroller. He’s a real flatterer.
• I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it. It’s true: I saw it with my own eyes.
• The police are trying to clamp down on vise theft.

New-Construction Dad Jokes

You don’t need a concrete reason to enjoy some construction humor.

• What was the construction worker’s favorite Muppet? Permit the Frog.
• Why did the construction company fire its marketing team? They couldn’t find the right angle.
• What’s a construction worker’s favorite fruit? Plumb.
• Why were to drywall installers so hung over at work? The got plastered the day before.
• Have you heard about the contractor’s new roof promotion? They’re on the house.

• Why should you never share a drink with kitchen contractors? Backsplash.
• What did police say after catching the fugitive roofer? This is the guy we were rafter.
• How do you find contractors online? On their site.
• Why did the roofer get arrested? For flashing.
• What do you call a roofer that’s not married? Shingle.
• Did you see the drill in the new movie? It had a bit part.

Funny Building Construction Jokes

These jokes have good bones.

• Why couldn’t the construction worker be charged by police? There was no concrete evidence.
• What’s a construction worker’s favorite bird? Crane.
• Did you hear about the blind construction worker? He picked up a hammer and saw.
• How do Eskimos construct their homes? Igloos them together.
• Why don’t window installers tell jokes while working? They might crack up.
• Who builds snake houses? Boa constuctors.

• What country big construction lifting machines come from? U-crane.
• What kind of house weighs the least? A lighthouse.
• How do people react when they see a lousy electrician? They’re usually very shocked.
• Why did the nosy roofer get fired? He was always eavesdropping.
• How do you tell the difference between a construction worker and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”
• What are the only two seasons in the Midwest? Winter and construction.

• What do you hear if you take a construction worker’s hat off and hold it to your ear? The OSHA.
• How do construction workers dance? They raise the roof.
• What bands do contractors listen to? Men at Work and the Carpenters.
• What were the dogs doing at the construction site? Woofing.
• What’s the sleepiest equipment at a construction site? A bulldozer.
• How many contractors does it take to screw in a light bulb? I’ll let you know when one of them calls me back.