56 Vampire Jokes and Puns That Are Necks Level
Unlike vampires, funny vampire jokes and puns don’t suck.
There’s more than one way to kill a vampire: daylight, a stake through the heart, a few of these one-liners. It’s true. But how could such silly humor take down Dracula, you ask? Cause these jokes slay. That’s how. So count yourself in for a batty bit of vicious vampire puns.
Of course, you can’t make fun of vampires without making a fang-tastic bat pun or two. Then, keep the Halloween theme going with the most haunting humor of all – pumpkin spice latte jokes. Bwahahahaha!
Funny Vampire Jokes
If you don’t get any laughs with these, it won’t reflect on the vampires.
- Where do vampires go potty? The bat-room.
- Why do vampires make bad artists? Because they always want to draw blood.
- Why is Dracula such a good friend? You can always Count on him.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? Blood orange.
- What is vampires’ second favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
- What’s the tallest building in Transylvania? The Vampire State Building.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor? Vein-illa.
- Why don’t vampires like to bite people who eat a Mediterranean diet? Too much garlic.
- Why did Dracula study in math in college? He loves to Count.
- What’s the first lesson in vampire school? The alph-bat.
Vampire One-Liners
Punch lines for Halloween and beyond.
- I’d tell you a vampire joke, but the only ones I know suck.
- Making out with a vampire is such a pain in the neck. Besides they have really bat breath.
- Finally, some vampire humor you can sink your teeth into.
- Why did the vampire go to the blood bank? To make a withdrawal.
- What song don’t vampire’s ever want to hear? Here Comes the Sun.
- Why don’t vampires eat cows? Stakes can kill them.
- Why did the vampire need glasses? He was blind as a bat.
- What do you call a vampire that drinks too much alcohol? Drunk-ula.
- Why did the pickle want to drink vampire blood? To become imor-dill.
- What rapper do vampires listen to? Drake-ula.
Vampire Dad Jokes
Tell a few of these biting baddies the next time you’re hanging with Colin Robinson.
- What TV show do vampires watch? Big Fang Theory.
- How many vampires does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It depends on whether you count Dracula.
- What do you get when a teacher becomes a vampire? A blood test.
- Where are vampire houses? On dead end streets.
- What kind of dog did the vampire have? A bloodhound.
- Why don’t vampires like mosquitos? Too much competition.
- Why were vampires feuding? There was bad blood.
- Where do vampires deposit their paychecks? At the blood bank.
- Did you see the end of the vampire race? It was neck and neck. It ended in a blood draw.
- Why did Count Dracula go to the barber? He was having a bat hair day.
More Vampire Jokes
Buffy would definitely approve of these familiar gags.
- What do vampires do when they’re sad? They drink B positive.
- What’s the one city that vampires won’t go? Philadelphia, because it’s always sunny.
- Why did Dracula take some cold medicine? He was coffin a lot.
- What flavor of ice cream do vampires like? Vein-illa.
- What do you call a vampire’s boat? Blood vessel.
- What fast food do vampires love to eat? Joggers.
- Where do most of the vampires in the U.S. live? Pennsyl-vein-ia.
- What do vampires take when they have a sore throat? Coffin drops.
- What do you call a vampire duck? Quackula.
- How do vampires pay for things? Cryptocurrency.
- What one vampire are all other vampires afraid of? The pollen count.
- What do you call a vampire at the beach? Ash.
Funny Vampire Puns
Wordplay that’s undead on arrival. So are these zombie jokes.
- Vampire jokes bite.
- Fang-tastic.
- Vampires suck.
- Vampires love Thirst-day.
- I’m batty for vampire puns.
- Fangs for the memories.
- Vampires have bat breath.
- You’re just my blood type.
- Those vampires are in a bat romance.
- These puns will never see the light of day.
- There’s a lot at stake.
- Vampire puns are necks level.
- Fangs for nothing.
- Over my undead body!
You Ask, We Answer
There’s a lot at stake for us here.
Don’t let your kid’s party suck. Tell the young ones a joke about learning the alpha-bat, or how vampires don’t eat steak, or what you call a vampire duck. The kids will go batty for them. And throw in some sleep puns if it’s a slumber party. After all, even the undead need a good rest.
Trick and treat with the tastiest candy humor and the most fantastic Frankenstein jokes. But fair warning: watch out for the witch puns. They could spell trouble.
Telling any joke – especially the spooky ones – is all about timing. And you don’t want all the ghosts to boo you. So don’t rush it, be confident, and let it fly. Remember: practice makes perfect. Fortunately, with this list of funny vampire puns, you’ll have plenty of material to work with.
