52 Vampire Jokes and Puns That Are Necks Level

Unlike vampires, funny vampire jokes and puns don’t suck.

There’s more than one way to kill a vampire: daylight, a stake through the heart, and a few of these vampire jokes. It’s true. But how could such silly vampire humor take down Dracula, you ask? Cause these jokes slay. That’s how. So count yourself in for a batty bit of vicious vampire puns.

You can also sink your teeth into some delicious tomato puns. They’re super sweet and juicy. But fair warning: watch out for witch jokes while you’re wandering around here.

Funny Vampire Jokes and One-Liners

There’s a lot at stake with these jokes. But if you don’t get any laughs, it won’t reflect on the vampires

• Why do vampires make bad artists? Because they always want to draw blood.
• I’d tell you a vampire joke, but the only ones I know suck.
• Why is Dracula such a good friend? You can always Count on him.
• What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? Blood orange.
• What song don’t vampire’s ever want to hear? Here Comes the Sun.

• What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor? Vein-illa.
• Why don’t vampires like to bite people who eat a Mediterranean diet? Too much garlic.
• Why did Dracula study in math in college? He loves to Count.
• What’s the first lesson in vampire school? The alph-bat.
• Why did the pickle want to get bitten by a vampire? To become imor-dill.

• What’s the tallest building in Transylvania? The Vampire State Building.
• Why did the vampire go to the blood bank? To make a withdrawal.
• Finally, some vampire jokes you can sink your teeth into.
• Making out with a vampire is such a pain in the neck. Besides they have really bat breath.
• What is vampires’ favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.

Funny Vampire Dad Jokes

Tell a few of these biting jokes the next time you’re hanging with Colin Robinson.

• What TV show do vampires watch? Big Fang Theory.
• How many vampires does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It depends on whether you Count Dracula.
• Why don’t vampires eat cows? Stakes can kill them.
• What do you get when a teacher becomes a vampire? A blood test.
• Where are vampire houses? On dead end streets.
• What kind of dog did the vampire have? A bloodhound.

• Why don’t vampires like mosquitos? Too much competition.
• Why were vampires feuding? There was bad blood.
• Where do vampires deposit their paychecks? At the blood bank.
• Did you see the end of the vampire race? It was neck and neck. It ended in a blood draw.
• Why did Count Dracula go to the barber? He was having a bat hair day.
• Why did the vampire need glasses? He was blind as a bat.

Even More Bloody Vampire Jokes

Buffy would definitely approve of these familiar vampire jokes.

• How do vampires deal with depression? They drink B positive.
• What’s the one city that vampires won’t go? Philadelphia, because it’s always sunny.
• Why did Dracula take some cold medicine? He was coffin a lot.
• What flavor of ice cream do vampires like? Vein-illa.
• What do you call a vampire’s boat? Blood vessel.
• What fast food do vampires love to eat? Joggers.

• Where do most of the vampires in the U.S. live? Pennsyl-vein-ia.
• What do vampires take when they have a sore throat? Coffin drops.
• What do you call a vampire duck? Quackula.
• How do vampires pay for things? Cryptocurrency.
• What one vampire are all other vampires afraid of? The pollen count.
• What do you call a vampire at the beach? Ash.

Funny Vampire Puns

Puns that draw vampire blood.

• Vampire jokes bite.
• Fang-tastic.
• Vampires suck.
• Vampires love Thirst-day.
• I’m batty for vampire puns.
• Fangs for the memories.
• Vampires have bat breath.

• You’re just my blood type.
• Those vampires are in a bat romance.
• These puns will never see the light of day.
• There’s a lot at stake.
• Vampire jokes are necks level.
• Fangs for nothing.