49 Nurse Jokes and Puns That Will Test Your Patients
Nurse jokes and puns so funny the bed pans will be filling up.
Nurses are not only front-line heroes; they’re also pretty darn funny. But I guess you’d have to be if your job involved dealing with sick people, crazy hours, and mounds of paper work. So in honor of the millions who make up the backbone of health care, we’ve collected samples of the most potent nursing jokes, puns, and one-liners out there. Just keep in mind that side effects may include gut-busting laughs and hard eye rolls.
Love these hysterical nurse puns? Then don’t miss out our other occupational wisecracks, like these plumbing jokes or construction puns. But if animals are more your thing, you’ll want to pounce on the most purrfect cat puns you’ve heard in ages.
Funny Nurse Puns
If you’ve got the symptoms, these nurse knee-slappers are always on duty.
- Nursing requires organ-ization.
- Nurses make it pulse-able.
- OBGYN nurses are at your cervix.
- You RN’t alone.
- Nice jab!
- I’ll be there RN.
- B positive!
- Just give it your best shot.
- You RN-believable.
- That nurse joke was sick.
- Is this really nurse-essary?
- Nurses get the jab done.
Nurse Joke One-Liners
These nurse one-liner puns may be sick, but they’re not contagious.
- That nurse is a rebel without a gauze.
- Even the nurse’s computer had a virus.
- Giving blood is a draining experience.
- Spontaneous nurses act on im-pulse.
- Drawing blood can really be an ad-vein-ture.
- Nobody came to work because the nurse manager has a staff infection.
- I had to take my son to the hospital after he swallowed ten quarters. He was rushed to surgery. After half an hour I saw a nurse so I asked her how he was. She said, “There’s no change yet.”
- Patient: I can do my own stitches.
Nurse: Suture self! - Never lie to an X-ray technician. They can see right through you.
Short Nurse Dad Jokes
Here are some fresh nurse jokes straight from the delivery room.
- Did you hear about the nursing student’s first time taking blood? Her efforts were in vein.
- Are nursing students ready to work in the ER? No they RN’t.
- Did you hear about the heartbeat video on TikTok? It went vital.
- What do you call a nurse who went Harvard? An IV Leaguer.
- Where did the funny registered nurse get a job? At the haha-spital.
- Why did the nurse have to correct the blood type chart? She made a type O.
- Why are nurses always so calm? Because they have lots of patients.
- Where do intensive care nurses in the north pole go to school? Icy U.
- What do you call a self-important health-care worker? A nurse-issist.
Classic Nurse Jokes
These hilarious nurse gags are always on-call.
- Why don’t nurses like going on hikes? Poison IV.
- Why should you never upset a pediatric nurse? Because they have very little patients.
- What do you call a hospital that’s running out of maternity nurses? A mid-wife crisis.
- Why did the espresso ask to see the nurse? It was feeling a little coffee.
- Why don’t nurses play hide-and-seek in hospitals? Because ICU.
- What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.
- Why are blood donors always so tired? It’s a draining experience.
- What do transplant nurses hate? Rejection.
- Why do the nurses carry a red crayon? In case they need to draw blood.
- What did the nurse say to the tonsil? You should get dressed. The doctor is taking you out.
Funny Nurse Jokes
Even more hilarious nursing jokes? That’s one way to B positive.
- Why didn’t the patient laugh at the nurse’s joke? She had an irony deficiency.
- How does Thor’s nurse help him recover from injuries? She Norses him back to health.
- Why did the banana ask to see a nurse? It wasn’t peeling well.
- Why are night nurses such bad dancers? They don’t have good circadian rhythm.
- What did the doctor say to the nurse after she painlessly administered the injection? Good jab.
- Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn’t at work anymore.
- How long does it take a nurse to change a light bulb? About 20 seconds to change it and 20 minutes to document it – how, when, where, why, and serial number.
- What do you call a nurse with dirty knees? The head nurse.
- Why are nurses so good in bed? They really know how to work the pole.
You Ask, We Answer
We’ve been monitoring your health care questions. We’ll try to do a good jab at responding to your knee-slapping nursing needs.
ICU there, looking for more medical humor. Pump up the laughs with hilarious heart jokes.
Our favorite is the one about the funny registered nurse getting a job at the haha-spital. Nurse puns like “You RN-believable” and “You RN’t alone” can also inject a dose of laughter on social media.
This one’s easy: tell nurses a joke, and they’ll appreciate it.
It’s this website, of course! We’re all about making nurses chuckle.
You bet we do! From Labor Day puns to Easter gags, we’ve got hoards of holiday humor for our favorite medical professionals – even though a lot of nurses probably have to work on those days.
